JEFF MAY, Motivational Speaker - "If you want different, do different; You're the change!"
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Does Marriage Still Work?

While many people are disappointed and startled by what recent stats say about the state of marriages in America, it’s important to note that behind those numbers and figures are individuals who carry the burden of responsibility for their own relationships. 
 
 
 As we all embark on a new year, some will enter it with the prospect and plans of getting married. 
 
 
While on the other hand about 40 or 50 percent of our population will approach this year determined to end the marriages that have failed to present them with their “happily ever after.”
 
 
No matter where you may fall among these two mediums, all of us at some point will ponder if the idea and institution of marriage still works.
 
 
Nowadays we see the realities of failed marriages all around us.  We find ourselves staring at a 40 to 50 percent divorce rate that is constantly on the rise, while hearing the voices and accounts of heart ache from those who have become the victims of marital breakdown.
 
 
With all this to look at, it is amazing to think that an endless number of optimistically positive people will be ready to give love and marriage a chance.
 
 
Maybe they understand that the fate of their relationship does not rest upon societal statistics, but on their own ability and willingness to work the marriage that they are given.
 
 
It’s very common to question whether or not marriage works, but it is vital to examine whether or not we are ready and capable to work marriage.  During the process of securing the perfect ring, reserving the ideal location and procuring the fulfillment of the dream wedding; we have to be certain that one more element is in place and ready for this life altering journey—us.
 
 
Too many people have entered the institution of marriage, as well as relationships, upon the premise that “if I can get him or her to become the perfect mate, then our marriage will work.”  Quite frankly, if you find yourself in a relationship that is based upon shaping your partner to become what you think they should be, you should quit while your ahead and save yourself some wasted and stressful years!
 
 
Marriage does not work if you are not willing to present the best “you” that you could be in the attempt of bringing two parts into one unit.
 
 
 I’ve never seen a completely happy and fulfilling marriage, without the two parties involved first being complete and happy by themselves.
 
 
Marriage works when it begins and continues to be about the two principle elements that have the responsibility of making it work.  The outside commentary, critiques and endless opinions of others are minimized and kept at an optimal, as well as, minimum level.
 
 
Marriages also fail to be successful when individuals fail to plan.  When we stopped seeking and listing to the consultations of pastors, counselors and other professionals before we jump the broom, we stopped seeing fruitful and productive relationships last.
 
 
Poor performance is the truest testament to poor preparation.  For those who are wondering how long one must prepare for marriage, I challenge you to consider that marriage is a life long commitment; therefore a considerable amount of time and thought should be put toward its arrival.
 
 
Furthermore, placing more attention into thoroughly examining our own readiness and reasons for marrying might help decrease the divorce rate significantly.
 
 
If people are not marrying for reasons that serve as convictions for their own existence, then they will in no way be able to withstand the various challenges that life presents to married couples.
 
 
And if my inability to put the one I love before myself causes difficulties in our relationship presently, then I must sincerely consider if I am ready to put the needs of a family before my own selfishness.
 
 
When two individuals make a conscious effort to become one unit, they’ve made the choice to put their individuality behind them for the common good of the unit. 
 
 
Marriage works when you realize that when you enter it, you are entering a whole new world than what your previous single life has prepared you for.  Therefore, this new life, journey-experience must be approached with a new attitude, mindset and intention as to present a marital experience that reflects the very best that two individuals could produce.
 
 
It does not work when you enter it expecting to see, experience and do the same things that have always been.  There must be an untiring desire to sow the right seeds as to reap the benefits of your desired “happily ever after.”
 
 
Despite all of the disparaging stats, depressing numbers and bad experiences of the past, I believe marriage still and has always worked for whoever is willing to work marriage and not allow marriage to work them.
 
 
You’re The Change
 
 
Please Comment
 

4 Comments to Does Marriage Still Work? :

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Kia Freeman on Sunday, January 02, 2011 11:29 PM
Minister, I want you to know that I will be quoting most of this everytime anyone wants to talk about marriage! I was just thinking that if people would stop using love as an excuse to be stupid and start making sure their relationships and their lives are stable before getting married the divorce rate would be soooo much lower! I spent 2010 watching people's marriages fall apart, people force relationships to work that weren't meant to be and people splitting from loved ones because they don't want to heed sound advice before marriage. I've learned a lot and all of it falls right in line with what you've said here. My next Facebook status will be "Marriage works if you're ready to work marriage!" Thanks for that one Minister Jeff!
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Quennel Cooper on Monday, January 03, 2011 8:37 PM
I couldn't agree more. Marriage takes work and I believe people get the wrong idea and think it is all cupcakes and pudding. Anything in life worth having is worth working for it. Michael Jordan didn't win championships without putting in hard work. In marriage it is something that both must work at together.
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marzana on Monday, May 02, 2011 9:34 PM
Marriage is hard work and many do not realize this BEFORE getting married. Our society does not talk about what happens to one person when he/she marries. You see all the time in fairy tales, "..and the lived happily ever after." You never see the ever after part when they are bickering back and forth and dealing with life and that needs to change.
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Mellisa May on Tuesday, May 31, 2011 9:29 PM
Marriage is an entity that God honors and it does take work in order to work. A dear friend once told me that marriage is a beautiful challenge and I've found that to be true. As we grow we change and with those changes we have to incorporate our continuous will to be a unit. A house divided will fall but being in love with God and loving your spouse will have you building your house on a strong foundation. Does that mean storms won't come? No, that's not what it means at all. However, I have learned that it teaches you how to weather the storm. Marriage is a beautiful challenge and I take it; gladly and willfully.
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