JEFF MAY, Motivational Speaker - "If you want different, do different; You're the change!"
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So He hurt you--now what?

 
 
I was once asked the question, “Why do men cheat?”
 
The same person asked me, “Why do men lie?”
 
At the time the question was posed to me I didn’t have an answer for them, however after many years and life lessons later I believe I’ve found the answer.
 
The answer to questions like these concerning the specific actions of men lies within the fact that we are all flawed humans.  The reason why so many people have been hurt and disappointed by others is because they were simply let down by imperfect human beings.  Specifically, men are only as imperfect as their female counterparts.  This answer does not excuse the actions that led to the hurt, betrayal and damage inflicted, but it allows us to let go of the actions and embrace the healing.
 
Look at it from this perspective; we become terribly disappointed when we place extraordinary expectations on ordinary people who were born to make mistakes.
 
We become consistently let down when we don’t maintain the same level of patience with others as we require with ourselves.  Again, there is no reasonable excuse for hurting people, but at the same token we must understand that “hurt people hurt people.”  Somewhere along the way, those who habitually cause pain to others, were the recipients of pain themselves. Furthermore, the only remedy that will break this cycle of hurt is being able to understand.
 
If I can understand that in all my valiant efforts and honorable attempts to do what is just that I still fail God daily, then I believe I can find it within myself to let the offenses go and forgive the offender.  Because you never really understand what it means to forgive until you stand in need of forgiveness.
 
Now I’m not saying that after you reach a reasonable level of forgiveness that everything will be peaches and ice cream.  In most cases, this idea is far from the truth.  However, the point is that you don’t allow yourself to live in and identify with hurt. When we allow hurt to reside within us, there will be no room left for all of the good things that are in store for us.  We can become so adjusted to the pain, until that is all we desire or think we are supposed to have.
 
As difficult as it may be to look beyond the emotion of a situation, we must fight to overcome ourselves in order to free ourselves.
 
Because the truth of the matter is that when you were hurt by that certain individual, the situation had more to do with how much you would grow from dealing with the pain and less about the person who inflicted it.
 
So, you've been hurt.  Will you hold on to the hurt and stay where you are, or will you let go and live?
 
What do you think?
 

2 Comments to So He hurt you--now what? :

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Kia on Saturday, June 04, 2011 2:04 PM
Awesome! Can you imagine the world we would live in if more people would apply these principles to their lives??
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Mellisa on Tuesday, June 07, 2011 2:55 PM
Insightful Mr. May, and I think personal responsibility is a huge part of any relationship. I've found this to be very true amongst family, friend and even work relations; to name a few. I think it is difficult to apply to more intimate relations like dating/courtship or marriage. Feelings seem to out weigh logic too oft, but I like the points you've made here. Especially stating, "men are only as imperfect as their female counterparts". Mirroring a counterpoint disproves that opposites attract, but I guess birds of a feather flock together after all. Well written sir.
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