JEFF MAY, Motivational Speaker - "If you want different, do different; You're the change!"
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What the Church Forgot to tell Me about Sex

If you grew up like I did, you can agree that sex was not the most talked about subject.
However, when it comes to taboo or seldom talked about issues, we turn to the place where open, honest and transparent dialogue was expected—the church.
Over the years the church has been the center for moral and social information, especially within black society.  When it came to topics of lifestyle, politics, family and other aspects that were interwoven within the fabric of our society; the church stood as the voice of spirituality and sound authority.
Unfortunately, at times the church had a way of glazing over and muting issues that seemed off-putting and racy.                 
Sex was one of those areas that only attracted limited answers.  We were told that it was for married people, strictly for the purposes of reproduction, and any deviation from that was the result of lust and other ungodly affections.
While we can’t argue that these points all contain some truth and validity, we’ve grown to understand that sex involved and was about so much more than marriage and sin.  Honestly those things that were omitted from these discussions on sex were the very pitfalls that befell those within the church.
Growing up, I was never told how much we would enjoy sex!  The fact that once you engaged in sexual activities, you would pursue the physical satisfaction thereof never came up in the conversation.  All the while we were being told not to “do it”, we were ignorant of the fact that at some point, sex would be all that our hormone-filled bodies would desire.
Quite frankly, the church forgot to tell many of us how natural it was to have these feelings within us concerning sex.  This bred a feeling of shame and embarrassment concerning these sexual urges, which ultimately led to many damaging and undesirable sexual encounters experienced by “church folks” who were too afraid to seek help from the church. 
And when some were brave enough to boldly come forth, they were approached with plenty of godly rebuke, tons of righteous criticism but not enough love or restoration.  This unfortunately set a debilitating tone for generations to come.
 Young men and women still struggle with the issue of sex and how to manage it within the expectations of their faith walk.  They are often admonished to keep themselves pure, but are seldom instructed on the “how to” aspect of purity. 
It is never enough to simply tell someone to do a thing and never mention how to actually do it.
Furthermore, many males and females in our churches are struggling with their sexuality while we ignore their plight and write it off as a need for private prayer and personal deliverance.  However, for as much as the symptoms of their inner turmoil are public, so should the corporate effort be to help them through their struggle.
Once we begin to publicize obvious issues within the church such as homosexuality, sex-addiction, sexual abuse and premarital sex; we finally take away the sting of guilt and shame and begin to seek after true education, applicable instruction and real deliverance.
We can no longer sweep under the rug those issues that are difficult for us to face, especially when it has contributed to the degeneration and destruction of people who are presumed to be called to a higher purpose.
If people are destroyed because of the lack of knowledge, then the church can no longer stand as an accomplice any longer to the natural and spiritual murders that take place within its own walls.
You’re the change.

2 Comments to What the Church Forgot to tell Me about Sex:

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Anonymous on Monday, August 15, 2011 3:29 PM
I love it....I completely agree with what you have said. All too often these subjects do not come up and when they do we're just told "Don't do it". I know this is one of the reasons why, specifically at my church, we've seen such an increase in pregnancies (especially in teenagers), and rather than encourage and support them we continue to admonish them for their actions. You said it more eloquently than I could have lol, and I love it!!! Keep up the good work!
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anonymous on Saturday, August 27, 2011 5:56 AM
I agree! In my church growing up, they did an awesome job of speaking the biblical truth that sex is for marriage. What was not mentioned was that it's a wonderful and beautiful thing when it's how God intended. Also, nothing was ever mentioned about it being normal to desire sex...and normal to struggle with waiting for marriage to have sex. Young people need to understand that sex is fantastic within marriage and although they need to wait for marriage, it's not an easy task...we need to help them in those struggles not just tell them 'don't do it'.
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