Many women are finding themselves waiting…..
They seem to be waiting for their time to be married, in a
committed relationship or just happy.
A couple of years ago statistics showed that only 42 percent of black women were married. Which gave the appearances that not only were more women single and lonely, but that it was most likely their own fault? However, what those stats didn’t reveal was that only 43 percent of black men were actually married.
As this issue enters another year of popularity, we must begin to have more intelligent and truthful dialogue concerning this debate.
Black women cannot continue to take the blame for what black men are not willing to become. We’ve heard much about how black women ruin relationships for themselves and how they don’t really know how to treat a good man when they get him. But what we haven’t heard enough of is how many black men posses a false since of confidence that hinders them from doing some much needed self-
Truthfully, if black men would ease up on black women and put the focus on themselves, they would see that if they were to make some real fundamental changes within their own lives that black women would actually be following their lead. Quite simply, you cannot ask someone to change what you are not first willing to change within yourself.
As 2012 rolls on, I believe we can honestly provide a real answer to women who can’t understand why the man that they have committed themselves to won’t commit to them.
The conclusion to this painful enigma is this: “Ladies, the man you love won’t marry you, because he is not ready to be the Man you need him to be.”
After changing your mindset, standards and values, you must begin to ask yourself: “What else can I change, before he begins to change some things about himself?”
Black men must develop the attitude that “even though I may have lacked many examples of strong, responsible, affectionate or monogamous male role models, I still have the responsibility to seek those qualities within my own life!” African American men must feel the pressing need to “step their game up”, before they can proudly proclaim manhood. Essentials such as educational, financial, spiritual and provisional adequacies must be pursued and captured before we can even begin to be deemed “a good catch.”
Ladies, what else can you alter about who you are before the man you love, loves you enough to begin to take ownership of the man he should become. Furthermore, if he strives to become the man he ought to be, he would have no problem with committing himself to a woman that obviously loves him enough to become the woman he deserves.
When you continuously change who you are for a person who doesn’t love who you really are, you run the risk of becoming someone you barley recognize anymore. You find yourself empty and void of everything you actually loved about yourself and instead filled with resentment and bitterness.
Women have to lose the state of mind that they have to “chase down and capture marriage or just settle for the generic brand”. If you desire a committed relationship or feel that you deserve the awesome covenant of marriage, don’t sell yourself short due to the fear of being alone. Secondly, don’t allow that fear to cause you to be trapped in a cycle of unhappiness that yields to you the same thing it did to those before you.
Happiness isn’t a chance ending, but it’s an attainable reality.
Go get it.
You’re the Change!